This time last year I was six weeks pregnant. I was settling into the idea of being pregnant and was in the sweet spot before the nausea kicked in for about two months. I was doing CrossFit and had already told my BirthFit director, Janessa, I was pregnant.
I found there was way less “gas in the tank,” as they say, for my workouts, but I felt like I could modify and I planned to keep doing CrossFit throughout my pregnancy, take a hiatus during the 4th trimester, and get back at it around three or four months postpartum.
As Michael Scott would say, “Oh how the turntables…turn.”
Not only did I not get to continue CrossFit throughout my pregnancy (I had to stop at the beginning of the third trimester due to pubic symphysis dysfunction and feeling like no matter how I modified I was still liable to hurt myself), I also couldn’t even teach or practice yoga for the entirity of my pregnancy (I had to stop teaching around the same time I stopped CrossFit).
I felt betrayed when I had to stop yoga and CrossFit. I felt like some of my best stress management and self-care tools were being ripped away from me at the time I needed them most. I felt like maybe I wasn’t as strong or fit as I thought I was if I couldn’t keep moving in those particular ways I always had.
Fast forward five months to me being two months postpartum. I did my local BirthFit postpartum series at Pallas and LOVED it. I feel it is sincerely the best re-introduction to movement a birthing person can have postpartum, no matter what their mode of exercise usually is.
My local gym had expanded during my third trimester and had added a not-CrossFit-but-still-functional-movement side to the gym with awesome-looking programming called Core45. It’s a lot of the same movements one does in CrossFit without the heavy lifting and most of the more intense gymnastics movements. The perfect stepping stone for where I was at!
I got the Core45 membership for the month of October, knowing that once basketball season started, Zack would be out a lot more and I would be home with B a lot more so we wouldn’t necessarily want to pay for a membership I wouldn’t get to use as much.
I found that, while I liked the programming and got a damn good workout in within those 45 minutes of the Core45 classes, I wasn’t loving the movement as much as I thought I would. I found myself feeling like I was forcing it, rather than really enjoying the process, and that while I wasn’t feeling totally beat up after workouts, it did feel, on the whole, more depleting than life-giving to be doing that style of workout with my current sleeping/nutrition/breastfeeding situaiton.
Turns out, being a new (especially breastfeeding) mom takes a huge toll on the body.
Who knew?! JK. I knew.
So I ended the membership a week early. I gave myself grace.
I once again had to release my expectations of jumping back into a particular style of movement and give myself permission to do what felt good.
What feels good these days is walking and my own yoga practice. So, for this season, at least, I’m choosing to focus on those.
And now that I’ve accepted it, that feels like a damn good choice.
In what way(s) have you released expectations recently? What shift did you notice in your energy, emotions, or self-talk before and after the release? Let me know in the comments below!